Just waiting

I've been planning to come up with a blog of my own since last year. I actually conjured a mental draft of how my posts would read like and what type of audience I wanted to reach out. Then yesterday morning after being up all night surfing the net waves for some soft core porn and Lifehouse, I decided to write a blog. The plan was to write a blog for gay people like me. But then midstream into writing my first entry I hastily shifted gear and declared, let's make a blog that everyone can read - that even my dad would read, and so here you are reading this aptly titled blog THE LITTLE FIRE HOSE.

Shoot. I swerved far from the plan I think. The plan was to create a gay blog where I could pour my aching heart out and write about everything that goes inside my notoriously flipped mind. But that would be a boring read and I bet I wouldn't attract your attention even if I paste my photogenic mugshot (like I'm photogenic) here. But forgive me and just let me write this one.


Hey You,

I have waited for you but you didn't come. I tried to look for you but you were nowhere to be found. Why don't you just tell me where the hell you are? Are you waiting for me too or you're just looking in the wrong chatroom or in my case, the wrong bar? Just so you'll know, I can't wait to meet you. It's okay if you're shorter than me. Hell, I'm only 5'4 and that's not a very complimentary height especially if you're in this country. It's okay if your best singing voice is only heard when you're in the shower. I wouldn't mind listening to you sing in the shower. That may sound kinky but I think it's sexy.

I've always wanted you here with me. Maybe you could share some ideas on how to flirt with the office cutie or how not to flirt with the office cutie because I don't have to - since I have you. It would be great if you're the person sitting beside me everytime I watch a movie and not some snogging couple or God forbid, a kid who can't stop himself from talking.

Life may be less boring and I wouldn't be blogging if you're here. Just here beside me trying your best not to laugh when I did something stupid or laugh when I crack some silly jokes that I borrowed from some jerk I heard on the radio. You don't have to worry because I'll be the coolest date when you decide to go out with me. You don't need to be Anderson Cooper because even if he's gay, I bet my next paycheck that he wouldn't go out with me. You'll never be an option nor a Plan B because you'll always be first on my long list of priorities. Well, the list would change from time to time given how disorderly my life is as of the moment but this I can assure you: even if you had a bad day in the office, you can always look forward to end your day with me and laugh your worries away.

I can't promise you anything and don't worry, I won't expect great things from you. I know you're scared to give your heart away especially to someone as complicated as me. But I guess it won't hurt if I'll tell you after our 5th date that you are a very special person and if you'll allow me, I'll tell you how much I really love you.

I can't promise you forever even if I ache to spend forever with you. I can't promise that it'll be happy ever after and I'll be an ideal boyfriend who'll sweep you off your feet. I'm not an inch close to that. However, I'll try my best to be the right guy for you. I'll try my best to cook your favorite meal or please your mom even if I'm not good at both. I won't complain if you borrow my shirt or occupy the whole bed when you come to sleep at my place. I'll listen to your tirade and try not to zone out when you start talking about things that amuses you but bores me.

I promise to be there for you when your day feels like shit. I'll make sure your day won't end without you feeling okay so that tomorrow we could see each other again and share each other's stories about our long day in the office.

So where are you again? Perhaps we've already met or were you the one sitting next to me on the bus this morning? Perhaps you were the one in front of me while I was waiting in line at McDonald's or you were that cute fella I bumped with the other day on my way to work. Wherever you are, please know that I'm right here sitting on the grassy park behind the Stock Exchange busy typing away one blog entry after another. Patiently waiting for the sun to come down. Patiently waiting for a miracle for my slow Internet connection to finally speed up. Patiently waiting for you to sit beside me. Patiently waiting for you to smile and say hi.

I'm just right here, patiently waiting for you.