Sunday, April 27, 2014

Coming of Age

I stayed up late again last night and had an overdose from watching gay-themed short films on YouTube. There's something about short films that made it appealing to people with short attention span like me. Don't get me wrong, I love watching feature-length films but they should be action packed like a porn movie, hehe. Anyway, I found that most short films, especially gay-themed, depicts coming-of-age tales like this one.

Aren't they adorable? I love Olle. He's like a little brother I never had. Kevin's fine but Olle got all the juice. And what do you think of that kiss? I think it was sweet, young and innocent. A little tongue would make it hot though which reminds me of my well, my own first kiss with another boy.

It was back in college when I was 19: less complicated, a bit conflicted, naive, curious and ready to explore. The guy was a classmate but we rarely talk even if we live in the same neighborhood. I don't know how it all started but I remember him smile and I think I smiled back or maybe I grinned like a monkey because I have a huge crush on him. And then came the casual chat, a little hi, bits of hello, a wink here and there. This guy is playing me I think but no, he was curious to know me too.

So it began like that and it was fun. But I have no idea what's in store for me when we started going out. I never went on a real date back in high school because the idea seemed so clichéd for me but I'm glad that my first date was with a boy I so wanted to kiss - which was hot by the way. He was the first boy I ever kissed. There were many other boys right after that but he was something special. Who wouldn't forget their first kiss? I still remember every sweet breath of it, every second that my lips touches his, his tongue exploring my open mouth, his hand on my nape while the other holds my back, pressing me close to him, close to his body, engulfing me with an unfamiliar intoxicating warmth.

He was a year older than me so he knows his stuff and he taught me well. Most tricks I know in bed I learned from him. He was a good teacher and I was an eager-to-learn student. But it all came crashing down when that dreaded four-letter word joined the picture. I fell in love with him.

Turned out Mr. Sunshine wasn't in for it. The kiss, the touch, me exploring every sexy nook and cranny of him and him exploring me as well, it was all but nothing for him and so he ended up breaking my young little heart. That was my first heartbreak and it put an end to my innocence. I was devastated but I learned a lot from it and emerged as a boy well-educated with the ways of the heart and in some ways, I see it now as a day I come of age.

I just hope ours was a happy ending like Kevin and Olle. I don't know where is he now. He appears to be not on Facebook but I still dream of seeing him again. We all want to see again the guy or girl who first broke our hearts, right? See if they still have that charm that captured our sweet innocent hearts or ask them why? Why they have to break our heart? But nah, it's better we leave them where they are: the first page of our diary of broken loves.

Someone's waiting for you out there. You just have to look for him, or her, because sometimes, they feel like they've waited long enough.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

A Leap of Faith


To my dear 8 followers, sorry if I was absent last month. Sam, my little boy toy of a laptop, was kidnapped for 41 days and I was only able to raise the ransom money last week (thanks to my new job). How I miss this little guy. We stayed up late last night doing things we both love: watching porn, reading Wikipedia, Facebooking, downloading the latest episodes of 'Scandal' and 'The Crazy Ones', checking Cristiano Ronaldo's profile, and watching some more porn - gay porn to be exact.

So anyway, it was pretty much the same since February except that I now have a brand new job. Was actually forced to look for one when my savings was running low and I ran out of creative excuses to ask for help from my parents. In short, I can't be a bum.

But yesterday, I found myself looking at job ads, printed a copy of my resume and scheduled a 9AM interview with a headhunter. Perhaps I'm not happy with what I'm doing in my new work or maybe, I'm scared of what I just committed myself into that I wanted my way out.

Sigh. That's very typical of me.

So there I was at 9AM sharp at the sparkly lobby of the building where this headhunter's office is located and when I was about to step in to the elevator, I realize that I couldn't do it. I realize that there's no point in finding another job that offers less stress because I chose to accept my new job in the first place and stress will always be a part of everything we do. Even sex can be stressful sometimes.

And so I took a small leap of faith. Faith in my own talent that I will survive the rigors of my new work. God help me though and I hope that when I get to read this little blog post by next month, I'll get to joke at myself how much of a chicken shit I was. Wish me luck and oh yes, I'm still single (now why the heck should I mention that?)