Neverland

Happy New Year!!! First post this year - an email I sent to the guy who broke my heart last year. I was in love during the latter part of 2014 but it wasn't a happy ending. Hoping to find the real one this year (fingers cross)

Hey there kid,

I remember the first time I saw you. You look so unassuming, so confident in your own skin. Even if I wasn’t instantly drawn towards you, there’s something in you that roused my curious heart. I still don’t know what that is, you didn’t give me a chance. All I know is you really are something.

And yes indeed you are. You made me write down this email for one. The rest, I can make a list out of it. But that would be a bit boring and you already know what you have. However, I don’t know what you have that made me fall in your gravity. I don’t know what you did that kept me up all night. I don’t know what you’ve done to me.

Maybe I fell in love with you. Maybe I thought of you as this wonderful idea that I am capable of loving another person again when a long time ago, I gave my heart away and never had it back. I know that sounds cheesy and you must’ve heard that particular line from a movie (it’s from Sweet Home Alabama by the way). But please hear me because the moment I realized that I allowed myself to be trap in your snare, I had no way to free myself.

Which leads me to keep my distance from you. You see, as much as I wanted to punch you every time you seem to ignore me when you’re around your friends, I still long for that little ping from you each time I stare at my office computer. Even if I know that you have no idea what my favorite book is or favorite movie or where I was born, I know in the deepest pit of my heart that I want nothing but to be with you, smell your breath, kiss your nape and hold you. Just hold you.

Now I sound like I’m begging and this email is getting too long for you to read. But I don’t want to end this without letting you know of my biggest fear. I fear that you didn’t even care and "we" didn't happen. I was a little broken when you said that you were trying to return whatever insane affection I have for you because I don’t want you to try. You don’t really have to try. You just have to tell me if I need to wake up from my daydream.

So once again kid, what are you doing to me? You don’t need to give me an answer because I don’t want to hear it anyway. I just want you to give it a thought. My heart’s a little fragile nowadays and it endured a little bruising this past few weeks. But it doesn’t matter because for a few short days, you made me believe in Neverland again and that the stars could sing and you don’t need fairy dust to fly.

I hope you’ll believe on that too someday.

Me