Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Amazing Spider-Man

I know I know. Spiderman opened in this side of the world weeks and weeks ago but I only got the chance to see it this afternoon when I was half-suicidal about the state of the world economy...

Okay to be honest, I was a bit reserved about watching Spiderman's reboot. I mean, why re-create another superhero movie when the last of the 3 films wrapped up merely 5 years ago? Is Hollywood running out of big budget films to produce that re-creating Spiderman headlined by an all new cast is the only thing they could think of releasing 6 months before the end of the world? (uhm, that's according to the Mayan calendar)

Why not resurrect Titanic (that one came out in a remastered 3D version last April) or Back to the Future (there's talk about a remake which Daniel Radcliffe would love to star in) or better yet, ET which by the way scared the 5 year old me when I watched it in Betamax (Betamax what?) back in the 80s. ET is no cutey excuse me.

So after much delaying, procrastinating, dilly-dallying and delaying (oh I already said that), I decided to spend my afternoon in my favorite cinema after being depressed by the Euro debt crisis and its overspill to our precarious economy (believe me, I was really depressed). Booked the 3:05PM screening I did and bought a liter of C2 Green Tea (to keep me awake just in case) and buttered popcorn (to munch if I get bored) and pretend that I'm watching this film for the sake of making an entry on my blog which dear Lord, has only 3 followers and an average of 10 daily pageviews (I think I'm really depressed now).

The verdict ?

Pleasantly surprise is all I can say after I emerged from the cinema having enjoyed 136 minutes of webslinging, wall crawling, spider bite, teenage romance and that skin tight red and blue Lycra suit worn by fresh face Andrew Garfield (I love the smile, bro).

Spiderman became human in that film and all his flaws were stripped naked like a Calvin Klein underwear commercial. I love the awkwardness of the teenage Peter Parker and in some way, he became one of us: ordinary guys who once upon a time, were bullied by a really cute bully. Even with the mask on, it feels like he's not Spiderman but Peter Parker in disguise.

It was a plus for me that Spiderman was reduced to a mere alter ego of the very human Peter Parker. As compared to Tobey Maguire's, Andrew Garfield's Spiderman is fearfully vulnerable which makes him all the more human. I also love the fact that they finally became faithful to the comic book by deciding Spiderman's web to shoot from his self-made artificial web-shooter; unlike Tobey Maguire's organic web-shooter which by the way, is terribly terribly ecky. Yikes! I have spiderwebs coming out of my wrist!

Another plus for me is Gwen Stacy played by the wide-eyed Emma Stone. Sorry but I can't help but compare the incredible chemistry between Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield versus the barely-there chemical reaction between Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst. Stone's Gwen Stacy and Garfield's Peter Parker look real good together. Way better than Bella and Edward or Beavis and Butthead (the latter is not a pair in a romantic sense by the way). I felt for Peter when he asks Gwen for a date. Actually he didn't ask. It was just hilariously awkward and when they finally kiss... oh boy, I can't believe I'm writing this but I'm sounding like my teenage cousin. But when they kiss, my toes  actually curled (I wonder why up till now, maybe it's the C2 Green Tea).

Aww! Don't they look good together?
Let's not forget to mention the stellar cast of support from Martin Sheen playing Uncle Ben and dark-haired Sally Field as Aunt May to Rhys Ifans (remember him in Notting Hill?) as The Lizard as well as Denis Leary as Captain Stacy, Gwen's over-protective dad who towards the end of the film played a crucial role in the demise of the Peter-Gwen romance (argh, I hate you ol' man)

"I'm going to throw you out of the window now." Very funny line from Spidey to Gwen.
But the demise of Peter and Gwen's budding romance is only a tool for Peter to grow into his alter ego's demanding character. Remember, he wasn't born a superhero unlike Thor or Superman. And unlike Tony Stark who donned the iron suit for some unknown egotistic reason, Peter chose to wear that tight Lycra suit to fill the void in him after Uncle Ben's death.

Darn, can hardly wait for the sequel. I wish the world won't end 5 months from now as I still need to watch the sequel to this hands down reboot of our favorite action hero: The Amazing Spider Man.

Now lemme go get some sleep.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Magic Mike

Whatcha gonna do on a boring Sunday afternoon with nothing else better to do than sit in front of your computer playing Plants vs. Zombies? (yes, I still play that) Why not go out and see a movie? Heard Magic Mike just opened last Friday and I hate to admit this but I was one of those who were hyped to see Channing Tatum wiggle his magical mike. Thanks to my rowdy bunch of officemates, Magic Mike became a must see movie on my weekend to-do list.

So there I was in my walking shorts and favorite yellow shirt heading to the nearest cinema and trying my best not to look excited at the prospect of seeing Channing Tatum's and Alex Pettyfer's ass-sets. The queue wasn't that long but oh boy, I'm the only straightlooking(?) fellah in the queue as most in line are throngs of giggling girls with their gay bestfriends.

I felt so oddly out of place even if I'm so out of the closet. Maybe I should've forced my officemate Donna to come watch the movie with me. She could be the giggling girl while I'm the gay bestfriend, hehe. But there's no turning back now and I found myself walking towards the darkened hall of Ayala cinema where I could almost smell the overexcited female (and gay) hormone in every seat.

As I settled uncomfortably beside a straight guy who was obviously forced by his girlfriend to watch the movie, I can't help but grin at what I'm about to watch. It felt like like my first time in a gay bar! 

After the usual coming-soon-movie trailers, the lights were dimmed for the main event and with bated breath, I wasn't disappointed when 5 minutes into the movie, Channing Tatum's ass swing into full view to the delight of shrieking girls.

Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer. Now who do you think is hotter?
Channing Tatum is physically gorgeous and Alex Pettyfer is just wickedly handsome with a perfectly shaped bottom. Kudos to Matthew McConaughey too for the chiseled abs and class A performance. His solo dance number is well-rehearsed but nothing beats Channing's dance routine. This guy is a dancer indeed. He could raise your blood pressure and body temperature by humping the floor like a mothafucka. I swear, you'll end up with a 20-20 vision when you see him gyrate in thongs, hehe.

A personal favorite is when the boys performed as a group. Man, I was grinning from ear to ear as them boys wiggle their muscled buttocks. But what made me burst out laughing was when I caught a glimpse of the guy beside me. He has this look of a pained expression, like he's about to puke any moment while beside him, his girlfriend giggled like a 14 year old.

Poor guy, he must've felt what I felt when I was queuing for the tickets earlier. I'm almost tempted to give him a nudge and offer my hand for him to grip. He looked kinda cute pa naman. Too bad he's straight. But who knows? Maybe he's a closet queen trying so bad to act like a hotblooded pussy-chasing straight guy or else his parents will deny him his inheritance.

Back to the movie.

There's no denying that Magic Mike is a movie made for girls and girls at heart (like me). How many films out there can you see gyrating male strippers? The last to come in mind is The Full Monty and that disappointing Rob Schneider comedy flick Deuce Bigalow. Both movies of course paled in comparison to Magic Mike's testosterone-filled hot muscle dance action. My 62 year old virgin aunt who's still waiting for her dream boy will be absolutely floored in watching this movie. Maybe I'll buy the DVD when it comes out and send it to her as a Christmas gift. I can almost imagine her making a sign of the cross. I love you Tita.

Joe Manganiello in a fireman get up. Now all he need is a fire hose and we're all set.
So, did I have a good time watching Magic Mike? Hell YEAH! All the more reason for you to come out of your cubiholes and run to the nearest theater and just enjoy yourself with your girlfriends as Channing, Alex, Matthew and the rest of the boys of Xquisite club dance their way to your liquid dreams. After all, they're the boyfriends you'll never have.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Dolphy 1928 - 2012

I'm not really a huge Dolphy fan nor am I fond of local showbiz but upon hearing of Dolphy's death all over the news, I felt compelled to write about his enormous contribution to Philippine cinema most especially to the gay community. As we all know, Dolphy is one of the first to take the role of a homosexual man into mainstream cinema. This leads to the likes of Joey de Leon, Michael V., Ogie Alcasid and even Tirso Cruz III to follow suit without fear of bigotry and alienation in donning serious 'faggotry'.

Without Dolphy, people would definitely have biases towards gay people. It's true that the media's influence on public opinion is humongous and Dolphy's portrayal of a gay man from Facifica Falayfay to Markova has somewhat put on the public's consciousness that gay people are here to stay and an essential part of the society. I may have my own bias on Dolphy's gay roles given his depiction of homosexuality is synonymous to how the Filipino public stereotyped PLU (people like us): effeminate, loud, cross dressing faggots in heavy make up with a boylet in tow.

I state the latter with animosity given the fact that not all of us can be boxed within such a description. Most of us, especially those in the closet, are far from what Dolphy portrayed in his movies. Most of us don't wear make up or cross dress or effeminate  Although a good number of us would mask our somewhat feminine characteristics with a sweaty dose of gym workout and weekend fun runs, I know quite a lot of gay man out there who are surprisingly undetectable. Unless you are equipped with a well calibrated gaydar, some of these men are totally straight acting you'll have a big surprise of your life when you learn that they too are eyeing your hunky next door neighbor. But I won't delve into that as it will require another article.

Which takes me back to Mang Pidol. As I write this, a lot will be written about Dolphy's life and work. From countless newspaper articles including that piece from the New York Times which reads Dolphy, Comedian Adored By Many Filipinos, Dies, to endless parade of TV specials and re-runs of the Comedy King's films and TV shows. Mang Pidol had a prolific career and we all grew up laughing at his brand of slapstick comedy. One role in particular stands out in my memory: Lino Brocka's Ang Tatay Kong Nanay 

In this review from fellow blogger Oggs Cruz, Dolphy played the typical gay beautician Coring, who is left with a baby by his former ward, Dennis (Philip Salvador). The baby grows up (the boy is played by a very young Niño Muhlach) thinking that Coring is his real father.

During its closing sequences wherein Coring (played with a pitch-perfect sense of both comedy and drama by Dolphy), dressed as Ms. Spain in a low-budget gay-version of an international beauty pageant (again, a testament to Philippine ingenuity), answers a question by the pageant host. Brocka's camera then lingers to Dolphy's exaggeratedly painted face; and Dolphy owns the close-up, delivering his lines with subtle emotionality and tender grace. His manner of answering felt like his character bore the aches of the entire Philippine gay community on his shoulders, and you can easily feel for him. Just when you are drawn to his character's poignant soliloquy, Dolphy snaps out of the mood with a joke, and you laugh, although still teary-eyed.

Mang Dolphy, you're truly one of a kind. Thank you for the years of laughter you've given us. You will surely be missed.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Victoria's Secret

Now here's something that my father will enjoy. Surprisingly, I had the best time of my life oggling these gorgeous women it made me think that if all girls in the world are this sexy, beautiful and scorchingly hot... I'll definitely convert and swear off boys, hehe. Seriously. Who wouldn't want to be with these women? Orlando Bloom is one lucky bastard to land on the lap of Miranda Kerr. Now I wish I have a bombshell of a girlfriend wearing nothing but Victoria's Secret lingerie all day long. Oh no... I'm not hearing this but I'm turning straight! My mom would celebrate. Nooooooo!

Anyway, enjoy these random photos of winged angels wearing a pair of bra and panties. To my ol' pops, this one's for you (naughty grin)

Mrs. Orlando Bloom wearing the 2.5 million dollar Fantasy Bra from last year's show

Goddess Adriana Lima

... and over here is an ample view of the goddess's backside. Oh la la

Brazilian bombshell  Alessandra Ambrosio. This bejeweled back piece features 105,000 Swarovski crystals embedded onto the 23 carat gold plated antique copper wings, making it weigh a whooping 22 pounds! I wonder how she managed to carry it

My favorite angel South African Candice Swanepoel. Now don't you just lurrrve those darn legs

Looking good Rosie. We all know of course that she was Sam Witwicky's girlfriend in Transformers: Dark of the Moon replacing Megan Fox. Honestly, I'd still go for Megan. Rosie's hot but Megan got all the 'right' stuff.

Moving on to Karolina Kurkova before she was pregnant in 2009

and the Queen Heide Klum on her last strut on the Victoria Secret runway

Catch that flying kiss!

I hope it's not Chupa Chups

Maroon 5's Adam Levine and girlfriend Anne Vyalitsyna. Heard they split up two months ago. Good for you Adam. My officemate Donna is single and she's way hotter than Anne.

Nah, must be fake barbell or she wouldn't be able to walk in heels.

Marissa Miller and the $3 million Fantasy Bra. Now who on earth would buy a $3 million bra?

Katie Perry during the 2010 show. Now take a closer look at Katie's cameltoe. I swear, it gave me nightmares.

What you lookin at punk?
- sorry, we can't help but look at your flower

Angel ready to take off

Mrs Kings of Leon Lily Aldridge. Sorry Caleb but honestly, I hate the way she walks.

Chanel Iman all dolled up. Tweet tweew!

Oh no girl, I think you had too much diet. Can someone hand this girl a donut or something?

In the red corner, here comes Erin!

Hot mama Doutzen Kroes. I can almost hear my brother say MILF

and finally here comes Behati

So long folks! Hope you enjoy them pictures. 

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Call Me Maybe

I'm so loving this song. I'm not really into pop but it's hard not to dance and sing along this song plus the video is totally hilarious. Wonder who the guy is? Maybe I could ask for his number. Thank god he's gay! Sorry Carly but the boy is ours, hehe.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Just waiting

I've been planning to come up with a blog of my own since last year. I actually conjured a mental draft of how my posts would read like and what type of audience I wanted to reach out. Then yesterday morning after being up all night surfing the net waves for some soft core porn and Lifehouse, I decided to write a blog. The plan was to write a blog for gay people like me. But then midstream into writing my first entry I hastily shifted gear and declared, let's make a blog that everyone can read - that even my dad would read, and so here you are reading this aptly titled blog THE LITTLE FIRE HOSE.

Shoot. I swerved far from the plan I think. The plan was to create a gay blog where I could pour my aching heart out and write about everything that goes inside my notoriously flipped mind. But that would be a boring read and I bet I wouldn't attract your attention even if I paste my photogenic mugshot (like I'm photogenic) here. But forgive me and just let me write this one.

Hey You,

I have waited for you but you didn't come. I tried to look for you but you were nowhere to be found. Why don't you just tell me where the hell you are? Are you waiting for me too or you're just looking in the wrong chatroom or in my case, the wrong bar? Just so you'll know, I can't wait to meet you. It's okay if you're shorter than me. Hell, I'm only 5'4 and that's not a very complimentary height especially if you're in this country. It's okay if your best singing voice is only heard when you're in the shower. I wouldn't mind listening to you sing in the shower. That may sound kinky but I think it's sexy.

I've always wanted you here with me. Maybe you could share some ideas on how to flirt with the office cutie or how not to flirt with the office cutie because I don't have to - since I have you. It would be great if you're the person sitting beside me everytime I watch a movie and not some snogging couple or God forbid, a kid who can't stop himself from talking.

Life may be less boring and I wouldn't be blogging if you're here. Just here beside me trying your best not to laugh when I did something stupid or laugh when I crack some silly jokes that I borrowed from some jerk I heard on the radio. You don't have to worry because I'll be the coolest date when you decide to go out with me. You don't need to be Anderson Cooper because even if he's gay, I bet my next paycheck that he wouldn't go out with me. You'll never be an option nor a Plan B because you'll always be first on my long list of priorities. Well, the list would change from time to time given how disorderly my life is as of the moment but this I can assure you: even if you had a bad day in the office, you can always look forward to end your day with me and laugh your worries away.

I can't promise you anything and don't worry, I won't expect great things from you. I know you're scared to give your heart away especially to someone as complicated as me. But I guess it won't hurt if I'll tell you after our 5th date that you are a very special person and if you'll allow me, I'll tell you how much I really love you.

I can't promise you forever even if I ache to spend forever with you. I can't promise that it'll be happy ever after and I'll be an ideal boyfriend who'll sweep you off your feet. I'm not an inch close to that. However, I'll try my best to be the right guy for you. I'll try my best to cook your favorite meal or please your mom even if I'm not good at both. I won't complain if you borrow my shirt or occupy the whole bed when you come to sleep at my place. I'll listen to your tirade and try not to zone out when you start talking about things that amuses you but bores me.

I promise to be there for you when your day feels like shit. I'll make sure your day won't end without you feeling okay so that tomorrow we could see each other again and share each other's stories about our long day in the office.

So where are you again? Perhaps we've already met or were you the one sitting next to me on the bus this morning? Perhaps you were the one in front of me while I was waiting in line at McDonald's or you were that cute fella I bumped with the other day on my way to work. Wherever you are, please know that I'm right here sitting on the grassy park behind the Stock Exchange busy typing away one blog entry after another. Patiently waiting for the sun to come down. Patiently waiting for a miracle for my slow Internet connection to finally speed up. Patiently waiting for you to sit beside me. Patiently waiting for you to smile and say hi.

I'm just right here, patiently waiting for you.

Anderson Cooper

Anderson Cooper is gay! Yeeeessss!!! I have a big crush on this guy since I first saw him on CNN a few years back. In fact, I only stay on CNN for more than 15 minutes if Anderson Cooper is on. Who wouldn't love that platinum blond hair, impish grin and lingering stare? Oh man, I think I have a new mission statement now: meet Anderson Cooper. Anderson, if you'll ever come into my side of the globe, I'll probably be the first one to line up for a photo op with you. Then I'll ask you out for coffee or go see Spider Man in 3D... Don't worry, I'll buy the tickets but you should pay for the popcorn, dude.

On a serious note, I'll quote Mr. Cooper's emailed response to journalist Andrew Sullivan concerning his coming out:

"The fact is, I'm gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.

I have always been very open and honest about this part of my life with my friends, my family, and my colleagues. In a perfect world, I don't think it's anyone else's business, but I do think there is value in standing up and being counted. I’m not an activist, but I am a human being and I don't give that up by being a journalist."

Well Mr. Cooper, now that you've finally come out, I say "Come here and have a date with me please!" Oh no that sound desperate. I'm outa here.

Monday, July 2, 2012

That YouTube video

My high school buddy shared this video on Facebook which I viewed 5 times. I dunno but I think it's so cute. Makes you wish someone will make a similar video for you. Sigh...

Maiden Voyage

It's ten minutes before 7 in the morning and I'm hungry while writing this. Hi and welcome to my world. I'm Raffy and this is my first entry into the front door of blogging. I think I should've said "world of blogging" but who cares? I think our coms analyst would care. But this is not a grammar blog so why bother? 

So what's in my blog anyway? Well, brace yourself because it's going to be everything gay. I'll educate you about being gay: what goes inside our minds, make you understand our specie and sub species, how many gay levels are there (in my official count it's 5) and how fun it is to be gay.

Now, even though I would prefer a rear entry (it's more exciting when you break in from the rear) I choose to take the front door in welcoming myself to blogging just so I'll know how a front door entry would feel... Okay that doesn't make any sense, sorry. Anyhow, let's all shake this world and spread the love all the way south, way down south where your G-spot is waiting, hehe.

There's a 5 minute interval in between these paragraphs where I was able to grab myself a quick breakfast (yahoo!) It wasn't decent but it satisfied my hunger while watching the local morning news. As usual, it's another bad news as bad news helps these local networks win the ratings war. I just hate how they insert tabloid news in the headlines. It was suppose to be HEADLINES but for the love of God, my next door neighbor's wild sex life is suddenly worthy of national exposure just because the husband is a cunning two timer screwing his wife and mommy-in-law. Now where in the news did I hear that? Sorry, it was just a product of my lurid imagination. I only have toasted bread and peanut butter for breakfast.

On that note, I'll go get some more toasted bread and peanut butter especially the one in the picture.